So after years and years of weak efforts to become this amazing being that I knew I was destined to be, I was turning 40 and was still living what I felt was like a wasted life.
- I was not living in the body I wanted.
- I did not have the financial resources to live the experiences I desired.
- I had no value that I felt could contribute to others.
- I did not feel significant in my partners life and didn’t think I deserved it.
- And I didn’t even feel worthy of my own families love.
I thought I had this belief inside that I was meant for more, but was just waiting for the “more” to just happen to me, with no plan of action. I additionally realized that the beliefs ingrained in me through my upbringing, and through first hand experiences, had created a powerful subconscious mind that believed the opposite of what I knew to be true. My subconscious mind was telling me…
- Wealth is not meant for people in my family and people like me
- You must work hard for someone else to just make a living
- A Northern Midwestern girl in my family is meant to be overweight and plain
- Negativity, sadness and depression are a main part of a woman’s life
- All men cheat and I am not worthy of a good man
- I am a sinner in “God’s” eyes and not worthy of anything good
So how did I come to the realization of this?
In 2015 my long term relationship of about 8 years at that time, was starting to rapidly go downhill. This relationship was so incredibly valuable to me and it was detrimental that I fix it. Instead of fixating on him and his actions, I chose to look at myself, because I couldn’t control him, his actions and his feelings, but what I could control was myself, my actions and my feelings, which would potentially impact his reactions towards me going forward.
For years I knew I wasn’t contributing to the relationship to the level I needed to, in order to nurture the relationship and keep my man’s focus on me. I had this belief that we would always be, just because that’s the way it was suppose to be (in my mind). I was putting on weight, struggling to keep up with the house, and not contributing to the household financially. These things alone were enough to destroy my self-confidence and allow his attraction to me to dissipate, but I was under the belief that these were just life obstacles that couples dealt with and tolerated.
So my journey to change myself started with a search for anything I could find on rebuilding confidence.
In June of 2016 I learned about podcasts. I know; late! But I quickly followed a path of different podcasts that brought me to an audiobook called “Activating The Law of Attraction” – by Christine Sherborne. I purchased the audiobook and went on a walk during work one day, with the intent to listen to the book. As I listened to the intro I was so intrigued and mystified by what they were saying, I was engaged, but I soon realized, this was not a book, but rather a hypnosis recording. Clearly not something I could do while walking outside but even further more, I was raised to believe that hypnosis was basically pure evil. It was an outlet to open up your mind and let in demons who would control you. So I was faced with a choice. Would I follow the intrigue that captured me in this audiobook intro to help satisfy my appetite for new learning, or would I stay clear of this and continue to believe that hypnosis could do nothing for me but bad. I chose to go home that day and lay down on the couch and listen to the hypnosis recording. The hypnosis was so basic and simple but made me feel so incredibly good and joyful. My choice to do this was a true blessing that the universe gave to me, to help open my eyes to a whole new way of thinking and believing that would allow me to expand past the blocks I had been experiencing all my life and stumble across a path for something new and great.
I immediately became obsessed with this thing called “The Law of Attraction” and through my appetite to learn more, I stumbled upon an audio book called “The Secret” – by Rhonda Byrne. In the next few days I binge listed to this book and was blown away with this new way of thinking. It made so much sense, it felt good, and was truly the beginning point of changing my beliefs. I could not believe I had never heard of this book and everyone else had seen the movie, read the book, and knew all about it. Where had I been? Why wasn’t everyone as excited as me? Well it didn’t matter. I was going to do something with it! This book had opened up doors to writers, speakers, books and beliefs I never otherwise would have ever persued.
So the reality is, that a difficult space in my relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. It pushed me past my limiting paradigms, and allowed me a spiritual growth that resulted in my breaking through ceilings in all areas of my life.
Naked Becoming 